In the midst of all this pondering, I came across these marriage tips written by a man who was recently divorced. A few of them really stuck with me, but many of them - I feel - are relevant to everyday life...divorced, married, single or widowed.
NEVER STOP GROWING
I've probably changed more in the last year than I have in my entire life. I continue to discover new things that interest me, excite me or bore me to death. I am very self aware, love nothing more than being with Mr. Cuddles and the Fin man but also need to be alone. I'm harshly independent - potentially to a fault - but I'm proud that I've come to be successful in my own right, no strings attached. I do my best to feed my strengths while caring for others.
Notice all the "I's"? It's not just about me anymore. I have a husband and a son. Go ahead and laugh, mothers, but it's true. My husband mostly depends on me for: 4, 6, 7, 9, 13, 16, 17, 19 and 20. It's not easy. I don't always see the best or take full accountability and I do place blame. I can't always act silly, refrain from being an idiot, not worry about money or forgive immediately. I do, however, get at least an A- for being fully transparent about everything, attempting to grow my marriage (and myself) and always, always, always choosing love.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY
My initial thought was, "who doesn't worry about money?" I am not insinuating that I believe most people are money hungry but I do believe that a majority of people worry about their financial situation at some point. Maybe it's a college fund. Maybe it's a car repair. Maybe it's shopping at Whole Foods vs. Safeway. Maybe it's that bag you've been eyeing. Maybe it's a down payment on a house. But, maybe it's more than that. Maybe it's putting food on the table. Maybe it's health care. Maybe it's cancer. Maybe it's child care. Maybe it's care for a loved one.
My money worries may be different from yours but we're all lucky that those worries are insignificant compared to many.
ALWAYS SEE THE BEST
In whatever it is you see. We all have moments of clarity, where everything seems to make sense. For me, most of these realizations happen in places or situations that are near and dear to my heart. For example: When I'm in Pawleys running on the beach in the early morning sun, I'm thankful. When I get an email confirmation that I'm going to spend a weekend with some of my oldest and dearest high school friends, which hasn't happened in over a decade, I'm joyful.
Many of you are probably thinking "It's easy to see the good in those examples." a.k.a. these aren't the hard times. Valid point. Seeing the good in bad, feeling happy when you're sad, saying sorry when you're mad or putting on a smile when you're secretly saying "Gad!" (you're welcome, Gram) are all instances where we might have to grin and bear it. Ultimately, if you can see the sunshine through the rain, your best will be just good enough.
NEVER STOP COURTING
After almost six years together, I still get giddy before a date night with Mr. Cuddles. I pick out a cute outfit, shave my legs, the whole nine yards. I do this because I'm proud of him and I want him to feel the same about me. More importantly, we court each other. When it's been a rough week, we take the initiative to plan a fun outing, try a new restaurant or hang at home, just the three of us.
I also believe you should court yourself. Buy a new outfit, cut your hair, dress up, eat healthy (most of the time), exercise - and most importantly - own it. We all have days when we don't feel as attractive, ate too much the night before, like someone else's dress better than ours, etc. but you should always leave the house feeling good about YOU.
BE SILLY
LOL. Seriously, do it! Order your favorite funny movie "On Demand", go to a comedy show, play Cards Against Humanity or whatever floats your boat. Mr. Cuddles and I have names and sayings that only he and I share and every time we say them - or someone catches us repeating one - we giggle like school girls. It's important to be able to laugh at yourself, especially in good company.
BE PRESENT
Having lived in DC for almost a decade (un.real), you begin to realize that conversations often consist of "uh, huh", emails are constantly being exchanged (while conversing) and people can be a little, well, removed. Guilty as charged. As part of my self evaluation I am working on being more present. To me, nothing is more important than knowing someone is listening to you when you are talking. Really listening.
Being present, though, doesn't just involve listening. It means being engaged and involved in the moment. Whether it be mentally, physically or spiritually we could all aim to be a bit more present.
DON'T BE AN IDIOT
There are so many directions I could go with this so I'll just stick to "ten things I find idiotic." Please don't:
Go back to a friendship or relationship where you've been treated badly. There are more important people who can fill you with joy and love, not suck the life out of you.
Take advantage of people. Just don't. There is nothing more frustrating than getting a call from someone knowing that there's an ulterior motive on the other end.
Lose sight of what's important to you or compare yourself to others.
Forget your true friends or where you came from.
Believe everything you hear or let people bring you down.
Give up. Never give up.
Wish for something, make it happen.
Be ashamed to cry.
Live in the past. Hope for the future.
Ever lost faith. In anything or anyone.
BE VULNERABLE
Do you remember the saying "Help me help you. Help ME help you."? It really is so true. So much so that I've used it as a fundraising tactic. "Help me help you get your local issues heard at the national level." The point is that people in your life can't help you if you won't let them in. This applies to family, friends, lovers, pets, spouses and more. Opening up your heart and mind is a critical component to keeping those who mean the most to you close to you.
FORGIVE
Even if not immediately.
CHOOSE LOVE
Always.
Have a great weekend!
~
C R A Z Y F E T A D I P
I'm feeling kind of crazy tonight. Crazy feta that is. If you haven't had it, you've been under a rock, and once you try it you'll want more, more, more. My girl Carly shared this particular recipe with me (and forgot to tell me how it turned out!). If it looks too intimidating, you can go to Whole Foods and buy Cava Mezze's (where the addiction began) $9.99 4 oz. portion but I'd recommend giving this a try.
You'll need
makes about 2 cups [a little goes a long way!]
2 bricks of feta cheese, 8 ounces each
3 whole jalapeno peppers
1/4 cup olive oil + 1 tablespoon
1 bulb garlic
the juice of half a lemon
the zest of half a lemon
salt and pepper
How-to
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Chop the top off garlic bulb and drizzle with a teaspoon of olive oil. Wrap in foil and roast for 25-30 minutes or until golden. Brush jalapenos with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Grill or roast them, whichever you prefer. Remove both from oven and let cool. Once jalapenos are cooled, remove skins, cut in half and discard seeds. Chop into small pieces and WATCH YOUR EYES!
In a large bowl, crumble feta bricks or use already crumbled. Add chopped jalapenos, the zest and juice of half a lemon. Squeeze the roasted garlic out of the bulb directly into the feta and add 1/4 cup of olive oil. Mash together with a fork. The feta should be coated - a bit moist (hate that word!) - but somewhat chunky with texture. At this point, give it a taste and season with salt and pepper. Serve with warm pita, spread on a hard salami sandwich or slice some veggies (cucumber, bell pepper, halved cherry tomatoes) and dip to your heart's delight. Store it in the fridge for up to one week. Without a doubt it's best served at room temp, so be sure to take it out prior to serving.
~
Seasonal Serving
Don't even bother coming up with a formal presentation. Just grab a large spoon and chow down. Kidding, kidding (but not). I think this would go great with a charcuterie board or baked atop heirloom tomato slices sprinkled with a bit of corn flake crumbs. Yes, you can use them in lieu of bread crumbs or if you're on a faux "wheat free" diet like Mr. Cuddles.
Cakes' Commentary
I have yet to receive any Summer reading suggestions and could really use some additional recipes! Please, please email me if you have any secret guilty pleasures you'd like to share.
Comments for Cakes? Please submit comments, feedback, questions, or things you'd like to see posted!
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